New start.

I'll introduce myself first. My names Lexy, im 16 years old and i live in England. A few months ago i lost 25lbs because of ana and it felt so so good. I was on a high everyday. Then i went on holiday with a friend, who i would like to add is about 100lbs and eats like a fully grown man. She's one of those people who has an insanely fast metabolism. Whilst on holiday i copied her eating habits, kidding myself that if she could eat and not gain a pound then so could i. BIG MISTAKE i completely lost control and gained a stone in 10 days and kept on gaining until now.

I fasted the other day and it all came back to me, that high feeling you get like your walking on clouds and your doing so well, your going to be so thin. How did i forget this feeling? Ever since that day ive been completely focused and obessed with being thin. I know it sounds crazy but i love it when my friends want to go to some disgusting fast food place, and i can sit and watch them stuff themselves full of fat whilst i sip my coke zero. And im not claiming to be ana as i have no where near that much control, but i apsolutley admire the girls who can. And i hope someday i will be as good as them.

I just want to be thin, i want to see bones. I hate being fat, my mums always like 'just eat healthily and exercise it will work' yeah right! Ive realised the only way to be thin is to eat as little as possible, my mum doesnt care about how far i take this. Whilst i was on holiday my mum found my journal, it contained my food journal, thinspo, quotes, diet plans and my fucked up thoughts. She never even confronted me about it, and i know she found it because it had been moved and she said something about it the other day. But that was it, like it never existed. My family are good at that pretending things arent bad. I will show her that i can lose weight i will be beautiful.

Another reason for me to do this is Olly, my gorgeous boyfriend. He is so skinny, i look short and fat compared to him. I want to be thin so he will never leave me, he'll be proud to introduce me as his girlfriend.

I decided to write this blog because i need the support, i cant do this on my own. I used to have a ana email buddy, she was such motivation fr me knowing that i would have to tell her if i gained weight or gave into food. But she decided to get better, ever since then ive been so lonely. So this will be a great motivator for me. Also if anyone wants to do this with me, just leave your email. I would prefer someone aruond the same weight as me . . gulp 175 lbs, i know its disgusting and so embrassing just typing those numbers. They make my stomach turn over and my heart sink I WILL be 120 lbs i know it.

Today is my second day of water fasting and its been so good, im feeling tired though as seeing as i have college all this week i think ill make tomorrow a liquid only day(under 150cal).
Well ill be back soon, think thin!

Lexy xx