You could drop a few pounds.

This week has been one of the worst. I'll start with last night, i was ollys house. We havent been that close lately at all, we are kind of drifting apart. He'll be really nice to me, make me feel like im the only person in the world who matters. We'll have sex, then he wont pay much attention to me until he wants sex again. And i fall for it everytime, thinking that maybe he actually means it this time. Im starting to wonder whether he's ever actually cared for me or he was just buttering me up. So now he's more like my bit on the side rather than my boyfriend lol. Anyway, i was getting changed and he just out of nowhere said 'you could drop a few pounds'. And i know i need to its just that it came out of nowhere, he had this smirk on his face like he just wanted to hurt me. I hate him sometimes. When im thin he wont ever want to leave me, he wont want anybody else. And even though hes a complete bastard most of the time i still love him.

And to top it all off, i purged this afternoon. I havent purged in about a year, its so addictive. But im not stupid and im not starting that off again. Today ive just felt very sorry for myself lol. I went to college this morning, then to ollys for sex haha, gave into his games again. Oh well at least i burned a few calories off, then binged like a mad woman. Purged it all up, had a boiling hot bath and smoked twenty ciggarettes and i hardly ever smoke. Think i might just watch a film now and tomorrows a new day. I think ill set myself a realistic goal of 600 calories, then lower it day by day. Until im fasting again, i love fasting.

I hope you are all doing well. And thankyou all for the supportive comments:):)

Lexy xx